sometimes people will really fuckin hurt you and you won’t ever get an apology

Basically any and all compliments make me feel like shit, it’s not a good quality of mine but its the truth

Before I transitioned being called handsome hurt, I didn’t want that. Since I transitioned I have been called beautiful and sexy. I still feel bad, I don’t believe them. It’s odd because… I can kinda see what they mean? Like I personally like how I look sooo much better now it’s insane, but from other people it feels like a lie. Or else it makes me feel like I’m just an object to them, like an exotic sex thing, not a person.

I work as a gpu/graphics programmer, and people say I’m smart and talented. I never believe it, ever. When I was young I did not do well in school, like special ed classes. That early life experience is still internalized. It’s why I push myself really hard at the detriment of my own health. I truly believe I am not a smart person despite recognizing why people think I am.

Last year I was diagnosed autistic with Persistent Demand Avoidance sub type. I have read online that PDA people often struggle with compliments. Its super fucked tbh, I can never feel good about any accomplishment, nothing is enough, and I feel unlovable.

Can you elaborate on what “subpoenable information” means. Like I have a vague idea but im not super clear if thats like a legal term with special considerations or whatever. Elaboration would be helpful.

I feel similarly often, but I think it has started to push me towards growing out of spending so much time online. Lemmy definitely has not filled the same niche reddit did, in some ways it’s better but I am often disappointed what I see here as well. Even things like youtube I have started to watch less lately. It all is just starting to feel like hyper processed slop, like what am I really getting out of this thing I feel attached to?

The only social I really still enjoy lately is mastodon and that’s because it’s possible to make real connections with people there, it’s not about making viral posts that tons of people see. Though clearly I still visit lemmy, I find myself often wondering if it’s worth it.

I feel better consuming less social media, feel healthier. I have read so many books over the last year, just last month I read 16 books though that is an outlier. Not just fiction too, though that is the vast majority, but also pure math books. Smoking a lot less weed, I use to smoke it every day, I was high every day for years and years but now im close to just giving it up completely I think. I have started to exercise and eat better too and I am more willing to just be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes its painful but I think its good for me.

I don’t think it’s all down to just less social media, but it has been helping for sure.

Part of me often feels like if I don’t check social media im like doing something wrong, not participating in the world, like I /need/ to stay informed. But social media isn’t going to save the world, i’m not actually helping anyone or anything by reading and commenting on posts. Its an illusion of participation, a honey pot that just sapps away my time and my mental health and doesn’t give me the things I actually want like real human connection.

Alcohol, I just dont like the taste

I smoke weed occasionally but even that I have been trying to cut out cus I abused it for years

Not being able to talk about capitalism in a tech community is like having a fishing community and not being able to talk about how the waters got shit in it.

Pop my knees

I could probably say the same about AI and crypto and mega yachts sure

But healthcare, housing, education, childcare, sustainable green energy, sustainable food production… All of them seem way more important than sending more junk into orbit.

The fact that you think these things are even remotely comparable is kinda part of the problem

Seriously how are space launches a priority right now when we are facing global ecological collapse

Thats what my brother does, but he is a cis het man who works in construction as an electrician. He is very left leaning so he does try to challenge things where he can.

But I can’t do that. I am a trans woman and confrontation legitimately would put me in danger and it wouldn’t work anyways. People claim I am biased because I am in a group who is being targeted, its bullshit beyond belief but thats how people are.

Your understanding of the effects of immigration is childish.

it never is, the employees are salary

I was talking to them recently about a job and their pay is kinda low for the industry too

They are connected but in practice there is definitely a big separation between lemmy and mastodon… you see mastodon posts on mastodon, lemmy posts on lemmy. yes its possible to view lemmy posts on mastodon but its fucking garbage integration, i have never seen a lemmy posts boosted on mastodon it just doesn’t happen… if I see a mastodon post here its in the form of a screen shot… the communities are effectively separate

Mastodon is pretty great for queer people. Better than lemmy I would say (and obviously better than the mainstream apps) …

Thats a technical issue that likely can be solved. I doubt some feedback loop of training data will be the downfall of AI… The way to stop it is to refuse to use it( lets be real the regulators arnt gana do shit)

Some of us have 2 boobs and 2 testicals :)

Making friends as an adult

red tape

I just make the change and put it in for review and then move on with my life… most the time its not turned away if its a good change. Even if there wasn’t any task or discussion before hand, and if it’s small enough I can just do it quick then I won’t be disappointed if people want it done a different way. At least for me it feels like people like it when I just make a decision and solve the problem instead of bogging them down with discussing everything before hand

But yeah lots of times “simple” changes are not actually simple in the system as it already exists… and that can be frustrating but thats software…