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Cake day: July 14th, 2023

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  • Funnily enough, the men in my family are the cooks, normally!

    My step-grandmother, though… She knew how to bake. It didn’t matter what she decided to make, it would turn out delicious. She refined a Black Forest cake recipe from scratch, I’ve never had another one like it. The moistness of the cake, icing just rich enough to make a statement, cherries that were the perfect ripeness.

    She ruined that cake for me. I know a part of it is the memories, all the time wrapped around when she would bake that, but if I had one wish, it would be to have one more slice.






  • Not really “rare”, outside of it’s niche, but definitely unusual!

    I owned a 1969 Volkswagen Beetle, with an electromagnetic clutch. Instead of a clutch pedal, you pressed down on the stick and shifted it up/down, releasing once in position.

    Not many vehicles used that particular style of clutch, and that was one of the last years VW built a model with one, as far as I’m aware. Miss that little car.

    They might not be the fastest or prettiest, but old Volkswagens were reliable and stupid simple. Still hope to one day get my hands on an old Microbus and a Karmann Ghia.



  • Just so you know, if it’s been awhile, Crate came in and did a pretty big overhaul on Grim Dawn, and are prepping for the “final” expansion that’s supposed to come sometime this year.

    Dodge roll mechanic, potions are now a recharge resource versus pickups that take item space, the next expansion is adding potion customization, prettied up the old world to be more in-line with the quality the previous two expansions brought, tons of little tweaks.

    It’s not exactly a “whole new game” experience, but it’s much more smoothed out!








  • Just a generally overwhelming day. Got slammed at the end of my shift, had to work over handling customers on top of the absolute mess my coworkers had left me, traffic was an absolute hellhole turning a 15-minute commute into 45, and when I got in, the air conditioner, at some point, had a malfunction so on a nearly 90 degree fahrenheit day, my house was almost boiling on the inside.

    Was kinda the last straw, and I was rushing to get my pills.


  • Yeah, but it took me years to realize it. I used to be a part of a FFXIV LGBT+ focused Facebook group, and there was one woman there who was the start of breaking down some brick walls in myself. Just listening to her talk about her journey through transitioning opened my eyes to some negative feelings I was carrying, and later on in my life, where those feelings really stemmed from.

    I wish I had said “no” when she asked me if I was so sure about myself. I feel like I missed a wide open door I should’ve jumped through, instead of stumbling through it already half-broken 10 years down the line.

    This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever written, it’s an impossibly small chance, but if you’re out there, I miss the fuck outta you, you pole-smoking thundercunt. I wish I realized what a friend I had before I chose to walk away.



  • A general lack of control, but mainly manifested in not being able to stop doing something. Mainly walking, it’s like things can be peaceful, but the moment I try to stop, take a look at something, there’s an overwhelming feeling of I can’t, I’m not allowed to, I’m moving for a reason and if I stop now, I’ll never start again, they(whatever it is) won’t let me.

    Or sometimes it’s coming out of hiding. I’ve had a few where it’s like a horror movie, there’s party music somewhere above me, but I’m hiding in something, and I know there’s something just wrong, but if I try to leave wherever I’m at, I can’t. Like my body in the dream locks up, refuses to let me step out and face it. It makes it feel so much worse, like I’m locked in by my own self.