fracture [he/him]

fwiw you’ve conveyed the same general question i have about the situation, albeit far more eloquently than i would have been able to

i am totally down to stop using words that disabled people find offensive, but i need alternatives to express that someone is being needlessly / purposely ignorant or otherwise harmful and is generally worthy of scorn and contempt

which isn’t to say that providing that is the onus on disabled people (it’s really not, their only real obligation is to express their experiences)… but it does make it a lot easier to action on the request

it’s also kind of interesting to approach this conversation both as an outsider, but also as someone who these words do apply to in some capacity

hate speech (of which nazi speech is a subset of) isn’t political either. it definitely should be banned because it demonstrably causes people to get hurt

insane stance to be advocating that nazis should have free speech in 2024

god bless the people giving stool samples so often for the studies. FOUR TIMES A YEAR FOR SIX YEARS?? i did it once and it was awful. and more frequently if they got vaxxed or sick? i would cry

thanks for sharing this information with us, i think it’s important to discuss this stuff on the fediverse

i notice that beehaw doesn’t have a similar clause in its TOS, as far as i can tell. without the expectation of you answering this question, i’m wondering what the difference is between the two such that cohost has such a clause and beehaw doesn’t. maybe it’s because one is run by an individual and one is run by a small company?

i did a search on cohost itself to see if anyone else talked about this and found this quite extensive thread: https://twitter.com/rahaeli/status/1588769277053739010

so based on what you’ve said and what’s in that thread, i’m gonna update my post with some qualifications about cohost. thanks for piqing my interest in the TOS

is there a way they could protect themselves (“still legally be able to function”) without that clause?

it’s not federated or open, but cohost is a tumblr-alternative run by a group of queer devs who promise not to sell the company or your data. i don’t blame you if you don’t buy into it, but i do like the platform

https://cohost.org/rc/welcome

edit: based on what /u/FaceDeer@kbin.social has mentioned about the TOS, as well as further elaboration i found in a thread about it (https://twitter.com/rahaeli/status/1588769277053739010), i don’t think i can responsibly advocate for cohost, even as a closed/private alternative to tumblr

i really wish you hadn’t been so rude in your response. but i understand that neurofeedback is seen with some skepticism. i don’t really understand it, because it’s not that hard to verify that it’s effective (for both ADHD and PTSD, among other things; the links below pertain to PTSD):

• https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0166752
• https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/20008066.2023.2257435
• https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10484-015-9326-5

although one does need to dig through research articles for this sort of thing, which is why it took me so long to dig these up (after… two weeks… on a post you replied to after it was two weeks old…) (also idk why getting these to format nicely is so hard, this is the best i can do at 5am)

also, this is treatment i would not recommend if i hadn’t done it myself. and while my trauma responses aren’t the same as what was mentioned in the greentext, there are several responses that were ingrained at what i think is an equally deep level; responses i thought i would have to deal with until i died, before i started neurofeedback

the treatment of trauma is complex and multifaced; i would not recommend only getting neurofeedback treatment (you may be interested in learning that therapy is mandatory at my neurofeedback clinic). however, it is incredibly effective at treating these sort of unconscious response patterns which are highly emotional and unreceptive to therapy or psychiatric medication

please do not take this post as dismissing the effectiveness of therapy or psychiatric medication. i am a big proponent of all of these approaches. they all have their place in addressing various aspects of trauma, and it saddens me when proponents of one talk down on the others

oh you’re right yeah, lmao, my b. i’ll edit, ty

ah, i see. i’m sorry that school is so rough for you

how long do you have left? what are your goals after school? before you can plan what actions you want to take, you should figure out a tentative plan for the future so you know what you’re working towards. i would recommend enlisting the aid of a trusted adult for this

i’m unfamiliar with the french system of education; is it possible to drop out and take a certification that is equivalent of graduating? (generally, in the US, this would be frowned upon, but would be worth it if the situation is as bad as you’re describing, i think)

all that said, you likely can coast and do minimal work and at least graduate. if you’re being harassed by someone, you should report them / tell them to stop / basically go out of your way to avoid them, or cause problems that are clearly their fault (although that can be difficult). it may also be worth talking to said trusted adult about this issue

teachers being vapid is pretty much out of your control, but just because they’re vapid doesn’t mean the material is. if you take an interest in learning things for the sake of learning, and digging beyond what they give you in school, you can at least attain valuable knowledge about the various subjects of your classes

this is part of what i learned in school myself; even though you’re forced to be in school, you’re the only one responsible for if you learn something or not. so learn the ways you are able to and get what you can out of the environment. maybe french high school is super difficult, but you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. you should be able to learn stuff well enough to pass

still practice the breathing, exercising, etc that i mentioned, though. this:

And right now, I’m so fed up this existence of student, trapped in the petulent academic system that I can even focus anymore. I can’t think, I can’t write, I can’t remember.

sounds like you losing your executive functioning to stress. your anger at the situation is valid, but you need your brain to be online to cope with it and get out. take a step back, breathe in, hold. release as slowly as you can. repeat

try to notice when you’re spiraling with emotion, try to remember to breathe when you are. it’s hard at first but over time you’ll notice it quicker and be able to respond in the moment

you’ll make it out one day. just focus on getting there

suicidal ideation is a common coping mechanism for feeling trapped. i think saying it like this helps because it draws a clear line of causality; you feel trapped -> you feel suicidal. i don’t think this accounts for 100% of cases, but from both research and experience, it seems fairly common

this also seems to apply to how you’re feeling. it seems like you feel trapped in regard to two situations; one, your job, and two, your anhedonia (fancy word for “can’t feel happy”)

suicidal ideation is, in my opinion, a sign you need to seriously reconsider your consent about your current life. here’s a personal example to illustrate this: when i was a couple of years into college, i was passively suicidal from working myself so hard all the time and not doing anything to enjoy myself. i had to take a step back, and seriously reconsider two things: one, that i had never given myself the choice of doing anything other than college (my parents simply insisted i did, and i had no better plans); and two, that nothing in college was worth burning myself out for, and that i needed to set aside time to enjoy myself, the mounting pile of homework be damned. this addresses consent in two ways: the first, that i hadn’t consented to this path in life (and was now, retroactively, giving myself the opportunity to either drop out or continue), and the second, that i wouldn’t consent to a life where i was only working and never enjoying myself

so i feel like, following this train of logic, it works out to a problem you can solve with your job (how can you get to a place where you have the time to engage with things you enjoy? do you need to scale back your hours? do you get paid enough to use money to offset the hours you’d have to put into cooking / cleaning / etc? can you put extra time in upfront so you can have more time off later? etc)

anhedonia is a little tougher, because it’s hard to know if it’s caused by the situation. i would try to improve your situation with your job and see if it improves. if it doesn’t, you should look into seeing a psychiatrist (and also maybe a therapist). anhedonia is a common symptom as a result of being in a prolonged fight/flight state, which i imagine has gone along with your job stress. however, you may have trouble coming out of it on your own, even with the job stress sorted. regardless, please keep in mind that it is not a permanent problem. your joy will return to you in time

other things you can do in the meantime are to practice deep breathing exercises, try to exercise in general (yoga is especially good for this kind of thing), take some walks outside in nature, try to be present in the moment and in your body

but i think it really just shakes out to making life worth living for yourself, which i definitely believe that you can achieve. it may take time, it may be difficult, but knowing that’s where that time and effort will lead makes that struggle worth enduring

ever since kagi expressed that they’re not interested in caring about the effect of LLMs on the environment (https://kagifeedback.org/d/2425-would-love-to-see-a-blog-post-about-how-kagi-views-the-environmental-impact-of-ai-and-the-ethics-of-how-llms-are-trained/2), i had already hopped off because i could see their talk about “making the world a more humane place” was just talk. so i’m not really surprised to see this shit unfolding either

i’m surprised to see that the dude who replied on my post is actually the kagi guy, though. that’s surprising, i took him for some q&a support mod lmao

but yea i’m trans so i do my best not to support transphobic (or otherwise bigoted) people. seems like it’s in my best interest y’know. and sometimes i don’t know! i was pretty excited for kagi at first blush, it’s really a shame they’re not worth the time or effort

i, uh, hm. well, in a marriage, you don’t know if someone is exploiting your goodwill, but ideally you marry someone who you don’t have to actively worry about it e.g. someone you can trust

relationships aren’t a hard science, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t science about them. for example, you could check out the book, “a general theory of love”. or you could check out the work of john gottman on relationships and love, he’s done a ton of work on them

for more general information on like, how humans work, you can check out paul ekman’s work on facial expressions and the facial action coding system (FACS). i’d also recommend marshall rosenberg’s non-violent communication - i don’t recall how strictly research-based the work is, but he (until he died, anyways) and his org do trainings across the world in this stuff, and he has a phd in clinical psychology, so i… think… it has a reasonable foundation? (it’s been a while since i read it)

and of course, because trauma invariably deeply affects relationships, you can read “the body keeps the score”, which is maybe the foremost research based text for the layperson about it

sorry, i’m not sure how open you are to actually receiving this kind of information… it’s totally understandable if you’re not. i used to feel a lot like you, i think, kind of unsure and untrusting of others. and all of these things are things i’ve read and learned from that have given me a lot more confidence about interacting with other people in general

obviously, the knowledge itself isn’t enough, but maybe you’ll find it helpful nonetheless

yeah no, my post is closer to “there’s more than 0% free will” than “there’s 100% free will”. i definitely know too much about trauma to think it’s 100%. but trauma get so deeply ingrained, and it’s so cyclical; that anyone can break free, seems nothing short of miraculous to me. to me, if we had no free will, that would never happen

it’s insane to me that someone could understand the ramifications of trauma on neurobiology and conclude that free will doesn’t exist

i feel like, without free will, no one would ever escape their trauma. without saying something shitty and uncompassionate like “you’re only held back by your trauma because you’re not strong willed enough”; that’s not true at all

but i think, at it’s core, healing from trauma requires two things: a person who you feel safe enough to trust, and the willingness to take the leap and trust again

if you don’t have one or the other, you’re going to really struggle

and that moment where you choose to trust, how can you see that as anything but free will? when everything about your past, your nerves, your biology is screaming at you to do otherwise?

i dunno. i don’t think any of us would have grown past our trauma at all without free will

that said, i think there’s also just too much going on in the brain to conclude there’s no free will for sure. i guess that’s not the same as saying it’s deterministic, which you can’t really say, because physics gets too fucking weird at low levels, right?

anyways, i guess we can never really definitively say whether free will exists or not. but i think you can still make very strong arguments for being compassionate to poor people / traumatized people / people with mental illness / etc without saying we all don’t have free will. it feels a lot like saying we’re all doomed to be what we were made to be and we can’t make a better life for ourselves

it just starts with convincing people, and believing, that we all deserve that

anonette, see if you can get into a good neurofeedback clinic. they can help with these sorts of deeply-ingrained trauma responses

really good little detective noir game. i think i finished it in one or two sessions. would recommend

the video game blurb rightfully points out the improved UX on point and clicks, which was a huge improvement on the formula i appreciated a lot

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thank you, i appreciate that. i’m one of those people trying to make it happen

it’s not a controversial take to say a message’s tone affects how it’s taken. could you explain why it’s so difficult for you to hear the request “could you be nice”?

or do you genuinely believe a message’s tone doesn’t affect how it’s received? because if so, i’ve been wasting a lot of effort on being nice to you, myself :p (that’s a joking tone, because it’s almost certainly not going to be obvious)

you can explain all of that and be nice about it, you don’t need to assume that people’s motivation is to “get theirs”. like you say, most people have grown up with several decades of propaganda, it’s not their fault they see unions as bad. it takes time to undo that stuff and it’s hard enough as it is without assuming their motivations or blaming them for something they had no control over